Hello my fellow Tumblr folk! Today is a truly delightful day. I am blissful because my exams are going well and I spoke on the phone with my mother twice in a row this week without having the urge to see a therapist. Communication has been improving between us. I want to have a real relationship with my mother. I comprehend that I have parents, yet cannot fathom the state of mind that they are in. They are absent in parts of my life where I need them most. This is one of my greatest afflictions.
I speak to my father regularly this year. He has been contacting me almost daily since the Summer. I am ecstatic to announce that he was the first to call me on my birthday a few days ago. It was touching to see that he took time to think of me. I couldn’t but speculate that this was the first time I heard “happy birthday” from my father. I turned 21.
My father is a person from my past, I suppose. I am skeptical that being part of my life now, is just a phase for him. Our situation reminds me of a long term relationship I was in about 4 years ago. It was foolish of me not to have left faster, but I think you all know how it feels being young and naive. Anyway, once I removed myself from our relationship, I moved far away and fell back into reality. Thinking back now, it would be hypocritical to say that I regret meeting this young man. I don’t regret it at all, on the contrary he provided a strong foundation for my views on how one should treat their fellow human being, at the least. It feels as if it was in another lifetime. All those dreams have incinerated. As the old Yiddish aphorism states, “People make plans, God laughs.” Coincidentally he has been trying to contact me for a few days. Finally, he got a hold of me through one of our mutual friends.
I could not feel less interested in this person. If he could read this, I would like him to finally understand that it is much too late and I have no desire to ever see him again. He won’t see this of course, but I had the urge to express myself out loud. That’s the difference between family and people who were “like” family, you must always give yet another chance to your parents who are trying to make an effort. Anyone else who doesn’t appreciate you as a person, has no place in your life.
I am getting back to my notes now, I need to graduate college and would like nothing more than to have provided myself with a door to the stars. Be happy everyone, life isn’t always perfect but I think that’s a good thing. If things were always flawless, how would we learn to appreciate the true gems life gifts us with?